jeever

B.

I hate it how you sneaked your way into my life! I never wanted you in it! People warned me about you, time after time! I always said that I will never let you come near me!

 I finally reached an acceptable weight, and then you showed up, just because of that 1 kilogram I never seemed to lose. I hate you!!!

I hate that I can never enjoy holidays, birthdays and vacations anymore because you are fucking it up for me! I hate it that you make nervous when I check out the menu in a restaurant, because every time I eat ‘bad’ food,  I’m only aloud to eat ‘bad’ food because you make me to! I hate the fact that you make me feel lousy and every time I look into a mirror I feel disgusted about myself! You make me feel like I never will accomplish anything, not with my job or a love life! I feel like a loser, and it’s your fault!!!  Your fault,  because every time when things seem to go right, YOU show up! I hate you!!!

Why are you doing this to me?! I don’t deserve this! I wanna be happy, I wanna enjoy food without feeling guilty afterwards! I don’t want to act sneaky towards other people when it comes to food. I don’t wanna go to the supermarket anymore and buy junk food. I don’t want to lie awake at night, because I’m afraid my heart will stop beating! I don’t wanna take medication anymore because my bloodwork is not o.k. ! You made me sick!!!  I hate you!!!

I want you gone! Gone! Gone! Gone! I don’t want you to screw up my life! I only life once, and you will not destroy that for me!  I deserve to be happy!